Why Being Cheated On Makes You ‘Win’ At Relationships

为什么在男女关系中被背叛的一方反而是赢家
Marie-Claire Dorking

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Science has revealed that women who are cheated on ‘win’ at relationships in the end [Photo: PALOMA Aviles via Pexels][CN]

科学证据显示被背叛的女性最终会赢得两性关系的胜利。

Sobbing into the Ben & Jerry’s because you found out your other half has been getting busy with Becky with the good hair or [Insert appropriate name here]? Been there, done that, got the snotty tissues to prove it! But before you condemn yourself to a lifetime of loserville, we have some excellent news that might just turn that frown upside down.[CN]

还在一边吃着Ben & Jerry’s牌冰激凌一边啜泣吗,就因为你发现另一半跟一头秀发的Becky打得火热? 这些都经历过了,擦鼻涕的纸都不知道用掉多少,有什么新鲜的!你可能会这样想。但是在你哀怨自己将一辈子一事无成前,我们要告诉你个好消息,可能会让你喜笑颜开哦。

It turns out, according to science (and you can’t argue with science), that women who have been cheated on are the ones who ‘win’ at relationships in the end.
[CN]

根据(无可辩驳的)科学证据显示,曾经被背叛的女性最终将赢得两性关系的胜利。

Allow us to explain. A new study from Binghamton University, New York and University College London titled ‘Intrasexual Mate Competition and Breakups: Who Really Wins?’ suggests that women who breakup with a partner because he’s been unfaithful could end up coming out on top in the long run. Why? Because the experience will have taught them to how to adapt to breakups and make better choices in future partners.
[CN]

容我们慢慢道来。纽约州立大学宾汉姆顿分校和英国伦敦大学学院发布的一项名为“同性间性伴侣竞争及分手:谁是真正的胜者”的研究称,因为另一半不忠而分手的女性从长远来看在两性关系中会是胜利的一方。这是为什么呢?因为她们从中学会适应分手,并且在将来的伴侣选择上会做出更正确的决定。

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‘You’ve been cheating on me? Whatevs!’ [Photo: unsplash.com via Pexels][CN]

“你对我不忠?无所谓!”

The study, which involved a survey of 5,705 people, found that after you go through the usual anger, hatred, betrayal, sadness, furious facebook stalking you will come out the other side stronger and better qualified to jump back on the dating horse.

Dr Craig Morris, who led the study, explains: “Our thesis is that the woman who ‘loses’ her mate to another woman will go through a period of post-relationship grief and betrayal, but come out of the experience with higher mating intelligence that allows her to better detect cues in future mates that may indicate low mate value. Hence, in the long-term, she ‘wins’.“

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Onwards and upwards! [Photo: unsplash.com via Pexels]

And if that wasn’t good news enough, the study also surmised that the woman your ex cheated with will ultimately be the one who comes off worst. Sucker!

“The ‘other woman’, conversely, is now in a relationship with a partner who has a demonstrated history of deception and, likely, infidelity. Thus, in the long-term, she ‘loses’” explains Dr Morris.

You on the other hand will be armed with extreme “mating intelligence” which means you’ll be able to spot cheating warning signs, will be better equipped to deal with any heartache in the future and ultimately more qualified to side-step future douchebags.

Who’s the loser now eh?

What do you think of the research? Let us know @YahooStyleUK

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国外网友评论 0人跟帖    8769人参与

evan

I feel as though -- while things like this may be true -- the actual results which came from the study are separate from someone reading this article. After reading this, someone may go "Oh, ok, I'll be able to make better decisions."[CN]

虽说这种事的确可能发生,但我还是觉得这项研究最后得出的结果跟读者想象的是有区别的。可能读了这篇文章后,会有人说“那好吧,反正我以后就不会看走眼了。”

However, my main problem with things like this, is the removal of naturally-born thought processes. Instead of going through these phases one by one, and eventually coming to terms with it all and becoming stronger, the individual may or may not see this study and start *expecting* the end result rather than unconsciously working towards it.[CN]

然而,我对此报告存疑的地方就在于,它们撇去了正常的心理变化过程:经历一阶段一阶段的心路历程,最终释然,并且变得更加坚强。与之相反,可能读者看都没仔细看这个报告然后就开始“期待”着最终的结果而不是顺其自然的朝着这个方向努力。

I don't know...perhaps I'm only making sense to myself. It's a psychological thing I've gone through since I was younger, in which I skipped steps in a thought-process due to listening to audiobooks and such.[CN]

我也不能肯定,可能仅对我个人而言是这样。我年轻些的时候也有过这个心理,那个时候因为有声书和之类东西的缘故我并未加以反思。

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Victor

Why is this article only about men cheating on women? Women cheat on men as well. Although I think men and women cheat for different reason.[CN]

为啥这篇文章只有负心汉?女人也会给男人带绿帽子的。虽然我认为男女出轨的原因并不相同。

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LindseyReply toVictor

I think it just has a lot to do with how men and women deal with cheaters. Most men move on from cheaters faster than women.[CN]

我觉得跟男女对待出轨者的方式有很大关系。大多数男人比女人更容易从出轨所受伤害中走出来。

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SeanFReply toVictor

No we don't. A part of us stays #$%$ off and very, VERY, wary.[CN]

并没有。有部分男人会很消沉,会变得很没有安全感。

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JoshuaReply toVictor

Us men end up #$%$ off too, and with some of the same insecurities."what did i do to deserve this?" or the "why am i not good enough?" and the cheaters if they bother at all never answer these questions to a point we are happy with. Us men just internalize it better.[CN]

我们男人也会消沉的好吧,跟你们女人一样没有安全感。“我做错了什么要这么对我?”又或者“我哪里做得不好了?”而且那些出轨的如果她们还在意的话也回答不了这些问题,给个我们想要的答案。我们男人只是更擅长把悲伤埋在心底罢了。

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LindseyReply toVictor

It hurts for both genders. Less men end up staying with the cheater though. They mourn and then move on. Way too many women take back cheaters.[CN]

被出轨当然对男女来说都会有伤害。只是男人最后跟出轨的一方还在一起的情况比较少。他们伤心过后就翻篇了。而有太多女人会吃回头草。

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StuartReply toVictor

Not true Lindsey. Although my ex-wife played away from home, she was very unhappy with me controlling our family finances and she gifted our children using her salary to have control of their affections. If I had physically left her in the family home (like she wanted) I would have completely lost all contact with our children and confirmed her assertion to them that I did not care about their welfare. This forced her hand to leave taking the children (against my better judgement) to live with her gambling and drinking lover which lasted only eighteen months and estranged our children from both of us.[CN]

Lindsey你说的不对。虽然我前妻已经离家,可她非常不满意我掌管家庭财政,她用自己的薪水给孩子们买礼物,左右他们的感情。如果我切切实实的(如她所愿)从家里离开了她,我将完全失去与孩子们的联系,他们也会以为我像她教的那样不在乎他们。所以她才没能再带走孩子们(不顾我更正确的判断),让他们跟着她那个嗜赌酗酒的情人生活了十八个月,搞得孩子们的心离我们俩都更远。

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AntonioReply toVictor

LINDSAY, it does hurt for both genders, but don't generalise. You can't compare peoples' experiences.[CN]

LINDSAY, 的确,对男女都有伤害,但是不要一概而论。你没法比较人的经历。

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Sane∞ManReply toVictor

Obviously marriage and children change the context, but I think Lindsey is correct in the sense that no man would stay with his girlfriend if she cheated, what kind of man would do that really? Suck it up and move on. In my experience (and no doubt I'll probably get slated for this) the women who stay with their cheating partners do it because they have other vested interests in him e.g. living arrangements etc and breaking up and going it alone seems too daunting. I see this even without full blown cheating, the women line up a new partner before even breaking up with their current, so there is no time spent being 'single'.[CN]

显然结了婚还有有孩子的情况不一样,但我认同Lindsey说的没有男人会再跟不忠的女朋友在一起。说真的什么男人会那么做啊?振作起来继续前进。就我的经验来看(说这个我肯定会被骂)女人之所以还跟出轨的另一半在一起是因为她们从他身上还可以享有既得利益,比如居所等,分手然后一个人面对这些太可怕了。我看到过即使不算彻底的背叛,女人也会在跟现任分手前找好下家,所以就没有“单身”的时候啦。

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EmmaReply toVictor

Sane man, it's usually the man who lines up another woman before he breaks up with the present one. A man never leaves a woman to be on his own, he may end up on his own after being dumped though?[CN]

Sane man,通常都是男的在跟现任分手前勾搭上另外的女人好不。一个男人从来不会离开一个女人宁愿孤身一人,不过可能他最后孤身一人因为被甩了?

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Sane∞ManReply toVictor

Emma come on get real, you're telling me you don't think men leave their girlfriends to live the single life? Bearing in mind the single life entails doing what you want when you want and having meaningless sex with multiple partners. I've never known any man of any age who already lined up anther woman before ending a relationship, I've seen one guy who was having an affair jump ship after he was caught out, but a part from that no, usually if a man has had enough of a relationship the last thing he wants is to jump into another one.[CN]

Emma,拜托醒醒吧,你是说你认为男人不会离开女朋友去过单身生活?记住了,单身意味着你可以在任何时间做任何你想做的事,有多个性伴侣只为性而做。我从来不认得一个男的,无论他什么年纪,会在结束一段感情前跟另个女人好上。我只看到过一个外遇男被抓后跟外遇对象在一起,除了那个没有别的,一般而言如果一个男人受够了一段感情,他最不想做的事就是投入到另一段中去。

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AlanReply toVictor

The assumption that men are less hurt in broken relationships, is a myth.[CN]

在破裂的感情中男人被伤得比较轻,这个论断就是错的。

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MoiseisReply toVictor

no, they cheat for the same reason: "those jungle fever urges"[CN]

才不是,他们出轨的原因一样:“丛林热之类的欲望”

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LachitReply toVictor

My 50 yrs of life experience tells 80% of the women cheat on their partners while only 20% of men do it[CN]

以我50年的人生经历来看,80%的女性会对另一半不忠,而只有20%的男性如此。

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StuartReply toVictor

Women try the withdrawal of intimacy as a means to control their man, then when that does not work they gift their child or children with money and attention to gain affection and lose their need for a father because he does not show them as much.[CN]

女人以有保留的亲密来控制男人,如果不奏效,她们就用礼物和关爱收买孩子,让他们不需要父亲,因为他没有给他们同样多的礼物和关爱。

Yet despite the freedom, support and independence their partner gives them to find their own happiness and satisfaction within the relationship they are still unhappy and have an affair to betray his selfless love for her and gift of trust, falsely believing he does not know or care.[CN]

然而虽然另一半给了她们自由、支持和独立,让她们在这段感情中寻找自己的幸福和满足,她们仍然不开心,还会外遇,被叛他对她无私的爱和信任,错误的以为他不知道或者不在意。

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AllanReply toVictor

This is all too much mumbo jumbo......Become swingers, It solves the "Jungle fever urges" and eliminates any reason for an affair.....[CN]

真是胡言乱语...成为奸夫淫妇就是因为“丛林热的欲望”,别的原因都不是...

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dfreyburReply toVictor

The article works exactly the same with the genders reversed. A man and woman have the same chances of learning from the experience. Two major issues -[CN]

性别倒置这篇文章也同样适用。男女从被出轨的经验中受益的几率的一样的。不过有两个大问题 -

1) Having kids changes the dynamic vastly. The woman knows the kids are hers. The man only recently has paternity testing. Ronald Regan style - Trust but verify.

2) Both men and women have a high chance of not learning from the experience. People tend to have a type and if that type includes cheater traits they can repeat the pattern for life.

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StuartReply toVictor

Having kids are a huge leveler in a relationship. What a woman finds difficult to achieve a man finds easy with humor and psychology, where gender is no barrier or restriction to their comforts and needs.

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jack

I was #$%$ off when I got cheated on not once but twice . I understood my first wife she only wanted out of her house , but the second hurt more we were together 10 years I was not the best husband working 50 to 70 hrs a week but I didn't cheat . I think being disabled all my life I guess she wanted better.

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ROBERTB

you do not win if you were cheated on, if you stay with the jerk he will continue to cheat, women you teach a man how to treat you, if he cheats and you keep him, what are you telling him! think about it! she should not be a roll model for girls if this is her message! have more respect for yourself and move on, he is not worth it, but then when they have millions, some will stay for the money and put up with the cheating!

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GabbyReply toROBERTB

When relationship math is 1+1=1 and not 1+1=2, I move on because the equation mathematically doesn’t work if the answer is 1.

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RodneyKReply toROBERTB

Did you read the article? It said that the women wins AFTER the breakup.

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Faith No More

That's great and all, but what about men who have been cheated on? They get called a "cuckold" and people come to the defense of the woman, telling her "he deserved it" because "he wasn't good enough". Why the double standard? Why is it that when a man leaves a woman, he's a "selfish #$%$" (regardless of his reasons for leaving, he may have had plenty of valid reasons)... but when a woman leaves a man, she's "brave" (even if she leaves him for stupid, superficial reasons)? I'm not defending cheating by any means, cheating is always wrong, whether it's done by a man or a woman. I just don't understand why society thinks that women are always right and men are always wrong. "Men are pigs," they say. Sometimes women are pigs, too. Sometimes women abuse men. Sometimes women emotionally manipulate men and use finances to control them. And no, I'm not trying to play the "victim card"... because I'm not allowed to. Only women get to play that card.

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craignReply toFaith No More

Excellent points my friend! What happens emotionally to men doesn't matter to society. That's why most custody is awarded to women in divorce. A man is supposed to "buck up" and take it. He's not a real MAN if he doesn't. the old Alice Cooper song says it all; "Only women bleed". Men don't matter.

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KreaturahReply toFaith No More

Exactly! Faith No More. Spot on!

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EVAReply toFaith No More

I'm a strong proponent for victims, all victims, and when it comes to anything to do with sex, men by far, are the harshest critics of their own kind. And sometimes men do it even to themselves. The numbers for male rape are very much underestimated because very few men report it, some of it is due to shame (as is in women) but a lot of it has to with 'taking it like a man' and not crying about it. As for the stereo types you've mentioned, its not men vs women attitudes. It goes back way farther and way deeper than this. Take your 'men are pigs' proverb. It goes back to ancient Greece and the play Odyssey. It was to show that men underneath it all are just pigs and it takes a woman's touch to civilize them. This whole men are beasts message and need gentility of women to transform them to humans was then reinforced over and over by other MALES throughout centuries. Just think back to Beauty and the Beast or some Shakespearean plays. And maybe way back when it was true that men tended to be WAY less civilized. But it is not true today. And these outdated attitudes need to change. And a lot of times the change has to come from men themselves.Although there are women who are not blameless in maintaining these either.

Cheating on a spouse is NOT okay no matter who's doing it. And both sexes feel the negative impact of such action.

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Johnny TorontoReply toFaith No More

Great post Eva!

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HarryReply toFaith No More

You need a stronger sense of your "self". Then you would not care so much what other thought about you.

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TReply toFaith No More

Thank you Faith No More... couldn't have said it any better! Cheers! Maybe the writer of this article was cheated on... wow generalizing all men are cheaters and pigs... Geezus...what pile of dung were you digging from woman. And for her finale which sounds like "Nyah Nyah!"...she whips out "whose the loser now?"... Apparently you ...because it pretty much illustrates your age. lol

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LindseyReply toFaith No More

I really haven't seen women who cheated get applauded or the men blamed. The only time a women gets applauded for leaving is if the man was cheating or abusive.

Cheaters are the worse. If you don't want to be with someone, tell them the truth and leave them to find their true happiness.

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AlexReply toFaith No More

you're obviously looking through one point of view. obviously

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Jeffrey

So the take away from this is to that help our partners be stronger and better we should cheat like crazy.

Sounds good to me.

Mind I'm not sure the excuse that is was to make her a better person will cut much ice at family counselling.

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Al

Baloney! Most people make the same mistakes in love over and over and over, again.

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AntonioReply toAl

Wrong, a lot of people learn and do better.

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FriEndReply toAl

Dumb people.

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Lastman

An anonymous, on line survey - that supports the 'thesis' of the authors. More likely, the ideology of the authors.

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Ripley

I get tired of Yahoo/media wrapping drama around research that might be legitimate if we were interested enough to ignore these articles and actually read the study material. I've no idea though because I'm rarely motivated to read the actual studies.

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ErikJ

When the author inserts Beyonce references, you know she is not serious.

The irony is the person is usually cheated on several times before caught so I would say the cheater wins in the end.

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RipleyReply toErikJ

What makes a person like that a winner? He's got the joy of knowing the type of character he has, and that's no prize in my mind.

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ErikJReply toErikJ

Being a winner and winning are not the same.

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RipleyReply toErikJ

Erik - Get real.

Too cowardly to answer the question?

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ErikJReply toErikJ

I did answer the question.

Having the ability to put emotions aside and take what you want, when you want it is winning. It does not make one a winner (although that is subjective).

Satisfied?

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RipleyReply toErikJ

Erik - Yes, satisfied and here is my response....

Really, does that also include rape?

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RipleyReply toErikJ

ps. Trust or loyalty must not mean a lot to you either.

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c

If this was video about a man swinging a baseball bat and singing about a woman cheating on him - there would be worldwide outrage.

Beyonce and her no talent-self, makes it ok???

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Recycling

Emmm just wonder if governments know where the science research budgets are being used up.. Honestly, one would think with all the flooding and earthquakes going on around the globe, we would use scientists more logically and leave these things for dating sites etc..

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DirtyDollieReply toRecycling

How exactly are psychologists and neuroscientists expected to help with geological phenomena?

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RecyclingReply toRecycling

Well DirtyDollie, God forbid you ever have an accident with your dollie or get caught up in a terrible flood. Lose everthing you have and require some psychological assistance ah :(

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John h.

I think very few spouces actually cheat,although the ones that do probably always will.i think its something in their biological makeup as a person.their are bad women as well as men.it ruins families,and is always discovered eventually.

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AllenReply toJohn h.

A lot more people cheat on each other than you realize.

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CPU MDReply toJohn h.

John, statistically at LEAST 1 in 3 relationships have at least one cheating spouse. If your two friends don't then odds are.....

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RipleyReply toJohn h.

That is too simplistic. Most people are a mix of good and bad, and rarely is a person only one or the other.

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RichardReply toJohn h.

1 in 3? where is this stat coming from? Polls can be easily manipulated so I wouldn't really count any kind of poll because, like political polls, they are skewed to get the results desired.

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CPU MDReply toJohn h.

Richard. Do you even Google? Compound that with the obvious that adultery is always under reported. There are, after all, some serious negative social and financial consequences.

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David Mersey

I think also a lot of people are terrified of being left alone, but expect to be left for whatever reasons, so they either have a string of non-committed relationships; or they cheat, keeping a couple of lads/girls "on the go" so that they always have somebody to fall back on.

Sad and empty for all involved, but true.

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mickey

One of the issues not being brought up is people change. Most men are not fully developed mentally until close to 30. They have two heads. The little head does all the decision making in the early years. Women can be on and off ramps too. Trouble in paradise? Trouble everywhere.

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ROCKER

MORONS that write these stories I swear

After being CHEATED on or done wrong people can become very HATEFUL and use the F them and dump them attitude never TRUSTING any HUMAN being ever again and you would rather see HUMANITY ANNIHILATED completely!

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brian n

Hey stupid! Nobody wins you idiot, you have obviously never been cheated on you moronic fool. Please write something in which you have actual experience.

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Doug S

And, if you're obese and pimply, don't worry, your wonderful personality will shine through and your Prince will indeed come.

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J M

Who is the writer here? I bet it's a woman & she must had been cheated before & therefore trying to console herself over this matter.

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RipleyReply toJ M

lol. You've got to be kidding.

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dk

The funny thing is:

Most women who have been cheated on, usually don't leave their cheating bf, so in the end, they learn nothing, and the bf continues to do what he wants.

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Faith No MoreReply todk

Women have a funny way of falling for men who, by nature, are unfaithful. Then after a series of really bad relationships, they conclude that men are just jerks. They never give decent men a chance, because decent men are "boring".

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AllenReply todk

Women love the "bad boys" who are usually cheating men. Maybe they think it won't happen to them.

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RipleyReply todk

dk- Yeah, and that's why divorce rates are so low.

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